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how can I improve this poem and make people think more of fire when they read it? It's about the scorpio?
star group.
The Scorpius constellation, Antares is at your heart, an expanded, burning, blazing orange fire, the center of a lamp that does not tire, your running rounds never expire, reducing all the stars to mire, Antares the fiery,burning blazing center and core, pulse of a chain of silver marks, a chain that never ends its sparks nor fails to render. Your burning pulse repulses stones to pulp, trees your light engulfs, your orange core, all beasts saw, they stand in awe adore.
First, choose a different form for your poem. Instead of prose poetry, give it more punch by using line breaks.
Second, you use "burning" and "blaze/blazing" too frequently. Substitute these with other words that mean the same thing. And, the repetition of "Antares" and "your" doesn't work. Try not to repeat words unless absolutely necessary. To find alternate word choices, use a Thesaurus. Then experiment with syntax to find ways not to repeat certain words and to find better ways of stating ideas/concepts. You mix up your syntax from standard syntax to non-standard. I would stick with one or the other. Mixing them up is confusing...it diverts the reader's attention. If you must mix up the syntax, then do it at a dramatic moment when you want more punch and excitement. Or because you want to emphasize meaning.
Third, omit all extraneous words, beginning with articles like "the" , "a", "an".
Fourth, be sure to say what you mean and mean what you say. This ties in with syntax and word choice.
Last, your ending "all....adore" is surprising as you haven't indicated beforehand that others are watching. Is the observing of Antares part of a pagan ritual? Or some type of ritual involving animals? Maybe expand a bit on your ending so that you have a more well rounded poem.
You have a good start to this poem. The subject matter is interesting.
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